In the three years since I started my practice, I’ve observed that the vast majority of folks who contact me are cis men. I work in the queerest metropolitan area in the whole country and yet I can count on one hand the number of women and nonbinary folks who’ve reached out to me (and even fewer of those have turned into clients I’ve worked with). There are obviously all sorts of social barriers to folks other than cis men pursuing this work, but I want to say loudly and clearly: LGBTQIA+ people deserve surrogate partner therapy too!
As a female surrogate who works with people of all genders and sexualities (and as a queer person myself), I’ve been saddened how few queer folks I’ve had the opportunity to work with. It’s an undeniably vulnerable act to seek professional help for sexual challenges, especially to seek intimate work like surrogate partner therapy. It makes sense that those of us who’ve been socialized to believe our sexual desires aren’t a priority, or told that our sexual or gender identity is shameful and wrong, have a hard time asking for the therapeutic support we need. Often, those who don’t feel entitled to sexual healing are the ones who need it the most.
It’s the duty of those of us in sexual healing professions — surrogate partners, sexological bodyworkers, energy workers, and especially therapists — to get the word out about the services and modalities available to clients of all genders and sexualities, not just those explicitly seeking them out.
What surrogate partner therapy offers that no other modality does is the opportunity to practice relationship skills in a two-directional, hands-on environment. For clients who have experienced trauma, never learned basic dating skills, or are afraid to enter a romantic relationship, this safe, caring practice space can be invaluable.
If you are a queer, lesbian, trans, intersex, or asexual individual, or a therapist who works with LGBTQIA+ clients, and you’re interested in working with me, please don’t hesitate to contact me; I’m happy to answer your questions, explain the surrogate partner therapy process, and help you decide if this modality is a good fit.