Keep your sex life alive during Coronavirus: video session ideas for somatic sexual practitioners

The entire globe is feeling the effects of Coronavirus, and those of us in the healing sexual therapies are no exception. For surrogate partners and other hands-on healers, social distancing guidelines seem to imply that our practices are on pause until further notice — if we’re not even supposed to be within a few feet of each other, skin-to-skin contact is definitely a no-go.

Well, we may not be able to touch our clients, but that doesn’t mean we have to cancel our sessions completely. As a surrogate partner, I’ve found video sessions surprisingly productive these past couple weeks. We often play a significant role in our clients’ social lives, and now more than ever those connections matter. Apps like Zoom and Skype make it easy to share space without . . . well, actually sharing space.

Here are some exercise ideas I’ve been using for video sessions — I created them with surrogate partners, sexual healers, and sex workers in mind, but they could even be useful for long distance couples and partners who are separated by Coronavirus restrictions:

Lead your client in guided self touch. Here’s a quick recording I did of a self sensate focus exercise involving the hand and arm (you can do this exercise with any part of the body, or the full body)

Take turns asking each other “will you” questions:

• • “will you lick your fingers and touch your nipples?”
  • “will you take off your pants?” 
  • “will you moan if you’re enjoying yourself?”
  • Either of you can say no anytime. Think of “no”s as “no-and”s — an invitation to try something else instead*

Strip for each other! Make it extra juicy: exchange one item of clothing for one vivid description of a favorite shared sexual moment

Share fantasies of how you want to touch the other person while you both touch yourselves. Get creative! Encourage your client to try on ideas they would never feel comfortable initiating in real life

Demonstrate how you like to touch yourself, up close and personal — the container of the screen actually provides a great opportunity to learn the nuances of one another’s bodies

* The language “no and . . .” comes from the brilliant minds of intimacy directors, as an alternative to the improv concept of “yes and . . .” Intimacy directors are theater professionals who guide actors and directors in choreographing erotic scenes using consent-forward practices. To learn more, check out Claire Warden, Maya Herbsman, and Intimacy Directors International.