Tips for finding a therapist who’s surrogate partner-friendly

I typically don’t offer referrals for therapists, as I prioritize working with clients who have already been in therapy for a good chunk of time (more on why here). For folks who don’t have a therapist and want to be sure they’ll find one who’s open to working in the surrogate partner therapy triad, here’s a list of tips to get you started in your search:

  • If you have health insurance, I recommend reaching out to your insurance company to find out their policy on therapy, which can save you a lot of money. If they offer coverage for mental health, ask them how you can find an in-network therapist, or do a search on PsychologyToday or Google for therapists who accept your insurance.
  • Sex therapists and sex coaches tend to be more familiar with surrogate partner therapy than the average practitioner, so doing a search on PsychologyToday or Google for sex therapists or sex coaches in your area is a good direction to start in.
  • Other types of therapists I’ve found tend to be more open to collaborating on surrogate partner therapy include holistic therapists, somatic therapists, and therapists who use alternative medicines and approaches.
  • PsychologyToday has a great search tool that allows you to find a therapist by location, insurance, issue, type of therapy, price, and gender. Just enter your location or zip code and use the toggle buttons at the top of the search results to choose the criteria you want to filter by. Make sure to read through a therapist’s profile to see if they’re accepting new clients at this time, as many therapists have full practices.
  • I don’t recommend asking your therapist about surrogate partner therapy the first time you meet. For therapists who are unfamiliar with the work, it can raise red flags about a client’s intentions. The one exception to this is if you’ve been in therapy before and are looking for a new therapist specifically to collaborate on the surrogate partner therapy process. Here’s a blog post I wrote about how and when to talk to your therapist about surrogate partner therapy.