How to talk to your therapist about surrogate partner therapy

Are you interested in working with a surrogate partner but aren’t sure how to bring it up with your therapist? You’re not alone in feeling uncertain as to how to broach these topics — talking about sexual challenges can feel really vulnerable! Here’s a guide to discussing surrogate partner therapy with your therapist.

1. Build a trusting relationship with your therapist

The first and most important step is to establish a supportive relationship with your therapist, which usually takes time. Some therapists have concerns or confusions about surrogate partner therapy, and some have never heard of it at all. If a new client comes into their very first session asking the therapist to collaborate on this unfamiliar sexual healing modality, it may raise their suspicions: is this safe for the client, is it legal, am I allowed to collaborate on a case like this given the licensing board’s regulations? Take the time to get to know your therapist and allow them to get to know you. It may feel vulnerable, but share your sexual challenges, concerns, and history with them; they’ll definitely need to be able to talk about these topics with you once we begin surrogate partner therapy.

2. Tell your therapist you’re interested in surrogate partner therapy

Once you feel comfortable with your therapist and the two of you have discussed your sexual concerns, the next step is to tell them you’re looking into surrogate partner therapy. Ask your therapist if they’re familiar with surrogate partner therapy and what their opinion about it is. If they’re familiar with it, tell them why you think it would be a good fit for you and ask if they agree. If they’re not, they’ll probably want to do some research. It may take several sessions to discuss this topic, and that’s okay – surrogate partner therapy is a big commitment, so it’s good to take your time making a decision.

3. Be prepared to explain why surrogate partner therapy is right for you

There are a lot of sexual healing modalities out there, and most of them don’t require the involvement of a therapist. Your therapist will likely want to know why this particular modality is the one you’re seeking. Have you considered other modalities? What is it about surrogate partner therapy that draws you to it? Remember that surrogate partner therapy is a big commitment for your therapist as well, so take the time to hear their concerns.

4. Connect your therapist with the surrogate partner you want to work with

If you haven’t already, you’ll need to reach out to the surrogate partner you’d like to work with. After they’ve connected with you, they’ll want to have a one-on-one conversation with your therapist before the three of you formally start working together. Once your therapist is on board for collaborating on surrogate parnter therapy, send an email introducing your therapist and your surrogate partner so they can schedule a conversation.

5. Be patient

Surrogate partner therapy moves at a slow, intentional pace to allow our bodies to integrate what we learn. And just like the work itself, getting surrogate partner therapy started can be slow-moving as well. Ensuring the client, therapist, and surrogate partner are all on the same page usually takes several months, so bring patience to this process.